Claudia's Eulogy

                       It is with a heavy heart that I inform you all of the death of a very dear friend of mine. Being in my company for the past six years, Claudia and I have shared many adventures. She was there for the start of my band, Pussy Patrol. She aided in the closing of the Oblivion gates, the slaying of Alduin, and the Purification of the DC water basin. Hell, she was there when Commander Shepard defeated the Reapers and got to third base with Tali. Claudia was with me through my awkward teens and straight into my awkward twenties. I remember it like it was yesterday.... With my grades dropping, my father blamed no one but Claudia, and therefore banned me from spending time with her. But that wasn't even about to stop us. Each day, as I got home from school, Claudia and I would have an hour to roam the streets of Liberty City, Fight off the Covenant in a galactic war, or destroy the evil Darkspawn. It is these memories that I will Cherish and be thankful for, because they will allow her live on forever. Claudia can never be replaced, for she lives on with me, and will never be forgotten.

R.I.P.
Claudia
12/25/06 - 09/23/12

Forming the band! Claudia's 1st birthday
12/25/07

She had an identity crisis a few years back, but I nursed her back to health

From You To Me

                   Hey,guys. Sorry its been a while. Borderlands came out and I got extremely distracted. Anywho, I've made a few lists at work, and figured I should start posting them. First up is a personal favorite of mine. Of all the games I've played, I've compiled a list of the top five video game companions. I hope you all like it.


#5  Sparx : Spyro

                        In Spyro, Sparx is your friend, health bar, and gem detector. Sure, he doesn't speak and he is always eating defenceless butterflies, but he's the best friend a tiny purple dragon could ever ask for. I was there when Spyro took on Gnast Gnork, Ripto, and that evil sorceress bitch. He never ran, and for that, Sparx deserves the spot at #5 on this list.
#4  Garrus Vakarian : Mass Effect

                           Garrus Fucking Vakarian! In the first Mass Effect, we meet a Turrian named Garrus. Garrus was a security officer who was through with the corruption on the streets and the uselessness of the justice system. His "shoot first, ask questions later" attitude gives off a very "Dirty Harry" vibe. Once you reconnect with him in the second game, you find out that he is The Bat Man. Come Mass Effect 3, Garrus is pulling a Tom Hanks and rescuing a single soldier from the middle of a trench war. Ladies and gentlemen, Garrus Vakarian is a fucking badass.
#3  Serana : Skyrim

                          Serana may be an anchient, evil, bloodsucking vampire, but she is my anchient, evil, bloodsucking vampire. Being locked away for centuries, Serana grew to resent the shit out of her evil father. She is so pissed at that guy, she joins up with a group of vampire hunters just so she can fuck him up. Being a vampire, she has some pretty rad powers that help out... like a lot. Her powers and disposition toward her father ( and the Sun) earn her the #3 slot.
#2  Morrigan : Dragon Age

                       Morrigan is fucking awesome. She is funny, condisending, savage as fuck, sexy, and voiced by the amazing Claudia Black ( Whats not to love?). Throughout the course of the game, You never quite know where Morrigan's loyalties lie. You wonder if she is secretly spying on you to her mother. You Prepare for her to stab you in the back at any moment. You even wonder if she will bail on you when you truely need her, unless you put a baby in her ( It's the last one.). Morrigans motives and loyalty may be a mystery, but that in no way stops her from being the second greatest video game companion.
#1  Carth Onasi : Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic

 

                  Carth Onasi is a glorified Badass. He was a war hero during the Mandalorian wars, he helped Revan defeat Darth Malak and destroy the star forge, and (nearly a half hour after finding his long lost son training in a Sith compound) shot his treterous son right in the fucking head. Carth is a mother fucking badass and I can't even imagine playing through Knights of the Old republic without him in my party the entire time. Carth Deserves this spot at #1. He has earned it.



What I Got

                        Hey, everybody. With the end of the world quickly approaching, I figured I would figure out the type of team I would need to survive in a post apocalyptic wasteland. I came up with 9 different archetypes : The Leader, The Wheelman, The Shadow, The Demolition Man, The Medic, The Powerhouse, The Slut, The Spotter, and The Survivalist. If you find yourself wandering through any sort of post apocalyptic wasteland, find these people. With this group setup, you won't be let down.


The Leader : Rick Grimes

                     Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead) is an obvious choice for the leader of the group. He knows how to make the tough decisions, he has lead his group through some crazy shit, and the only time something goes wrong is when Carl fucks up and doesn't stay inside at night. Seriously, I hope they kill off Carl soon....  That little shit bag.

The Wheelman : Third Street Saints Leader

                        Playing as the leader of the Third Street Saints in Saint's Row the Third, I have come to realise that she is a total badass. Not only does my version have the same voice as Serana (Skyrim), but she can drive/fly just about anything ( And if it has guns attached, that's a plus). She even picked up on flying a jet bike really fast.

The Shadow : Ezio Auditore

                       Ezio Auditore ( Assassins Creed 2) was really the only choice fore the role as The Shadow. In a post apocalyptic world, you tend to need supplies, and as every video game has taught me, the best loot is usually the hardest to get. Whether its conquering obstacles or evading enemies, Ezio is your man. And if zombies are the threat, his mastery of silent killing will come in handy.


The Demolition Man : John McClane

                      Shit seems to always be blowing up around John McClane ( Die Hard). As a New York cop who has pissed off far too many German terrorists, John is constantly running from bombs, disarming bombs, or repurposing bombs to destroy his enemies. Personally, I can't think of anyone I would rather have in charge of blowing shit up.


The Medic : James

                        James (fallout 3) is the father of  The Vault Boy. James, living in a post apocalyptic world, would know how to treat radiation poisoning, various infections, and other dangers to be found in the wasteland. As a doctor/scientist, he discovered a way to purify a lake of irradiated water. That is the kind of guy you want to be friends with. Oh, and he is voiced by Liam Neeson, so badass points are earned there.
The Powerhouse : Darth Revan

                    (Star Wars: Knights of the old republic) Let me be clear here. I do not mean Revan, the Dark lord. I mean Revan, the redeemed Jedi on a mission to destroy Darth Malak and the Star Forge. Revan, eager to advance his knowledge of the force and how to use it, became one of the most powerfull Jedi of his time. With the help of 9 others, he was able to cripple the Sith empire and defeat Darth Malak. He even discovered the Star Forge twice (He lost his memory, then found it again). With his mastery of the force, Revan can rock shit any day. He is the perfect fit for The Powerhouse.


The Slut : Zoey

                    Before you assume that I'm talking about the Zoey from Left 4 Dead, let me clarify. I'm talking about the Zoey from the porn parody Left 4 Head. The reason this slut is important, is because she was able to find a fatal weakness in the special infected. Zoey was able to single handedly take down a witch ( crazy hard zombie that mercs everybody). What Zoey found, is that zombies need love too. Yes, she killed a witch by having sex with it. Oh, and it turns out witches are squirters.... maybe that's what kills them?


The Spotter : Cortana

                       Cortana (Halo) is an A.I. or Artificial Intelligence. When interfaced with any computer connected the internet, she can hack anything you want. So if you need recon done, the is probably a camera near by. She can hack the shit out of that camera. She really doubles as 2 specializations. Recon and Tech-Expert. This ideal member of your team will make sure nobody ever gets the drop on you.


The Survivalist : Kenzi

                      And then there was Kenzi (Lost Girl). Being a runaway, and the only human in a gang of Faye ( Fairy Folk or magical creatures), Kenzi often relies on her street smarts. She has "a guy" for everything, knows how to escape any situation, and is a bit of a clepto. You would be surprised how important thievery is in a post apocalyptic world. When currency holds no value, you need to pick up any trinkets you can. Kenzi is perfectly suited to deal with the currency issue, and being Russian as fuck, she is well versed in the art of haggling. Plus shes got that oddly attractive punk/goth thing going on.

                       There we have it, my post apocalyptic dream team. Sure, none of these people actually exist, but if the multiverse ends up crashing in on its self and they all end up existing in the real world, then at least I'll know who to find. Oh, and for all the people with their ideal teams of four other people or those wondering why I didn't make it an even, let me remind you of something. You want a space in the team too, right? Never have an odd number team. As long as the buddy system is in place, you should be fine.
                           Until next time, this is Addison signing out.



Things I Can't Wait For #3 : October 14th! The Walking Dead season 3 premieres on the 14th, and it will be sweet.

Winter is Coming

                     Hey, everybody. Sorry I've been gone for a while, but I was making videos, reading terms and condition ( Yes, I actually read those), and playing Saints Row the Third. I have to say, after posting the videos and hearing my voice, I really hat the way I sound. There is almost no inflection. At first, I thought it was the mic I was using. But no, that's just my voice. How do people not fall asleep when I speak? It's the most monotone voice ever. If I ever start smoking, I might sound like the brother from Everybody Loves Raymond. Fuck!
                     But I'm not going to dwell on that. I got an instant approval for YouTube partnership, I've started posting my videos, and I have been playing a shit ton of Saints Row ( Such an awesome game!). With only 6 days until Borderlands 2 comes out, all is right with the world.


https://www.youtube.com/user/MrAddisonRulz

Things I Can't Wait For #2: Game of Thrones Season 3!!!! I just finished the second season last night. Soooooo good!

Where's All The Side Boob?

                     Hey, everyone. Sorry that I've been gone, but it's been for a good reason. In this next week, I will be posting on my YouTube channel and getting all of that started. I've been recording a lot of video lately and finally have the channel started. We have our name and will be posting an intro video before the end of the week, and will then begin our regular segments. I'm really excited out this, and can't wait to start. So close.
                    On a side note, I recently started watching movies from my past to see if they hold up, or if nostalgia has just taken over my brain. The movies I tested first were Total Recall and Demolition Man. Total Recall totally holds up. Sure, the computers in the future are dated as fuck and jazzersize is big, but I can look past that. I'd say the only thing I can't look past is the three boobed mutant. I love boobs. I love them so much, I wish chicks really did have three. It's a beautiful thing.
                     Demolition Man, on the other hand, really does not hold up. Watching it now makes me feel like my childhood was a lie. This movie is horrible. Bad acting, horrible story, and ridiculous characters make up this travesty of a movie. They even managed to mess up a sex scene with Sandra Bullock. How does that even happen? It's not hard to make a good sex scene when you have a hot actress. All they had to do was do what early 90's movies do best. Show some boob. Demolition Man showed no boob, not even a little side boob action. The slightest bit of side boob would have even excused the fact that Stalone missed with every gun ( Why did he even try?). Watching this movie was worse than playing through the first hour of Duke Nukem Forever ( That's right, I had to play the first hour for a video. It was so bad, we might not even use the video. FML.).

That's an actual quote. Why is there no side boob?

                    Well guys, the next movie on my list is The Great Mouse Detective. I have high hopes for that one. If you guys would like to to check out any other movies ( as apposed to you risking your childhood memories), just let me know. I'll let all of you know when the first video goes up, and keep you posted from then on. Borderlands 2 comes out soon, so I'll have plenty of material for the channel. Have a great night/day.
Addison out.


Things I Can't Wait For #1: This November, Star Wars: The Old Republic will become free to play. As a fan of Kotor, and Star Wars video games in general, I will be buying it then. So stoked!

(p.s. I tried posting this last night, but Brighthouse decided to be shitty and I didn't have internet from 1 am to after  4 am.)

Dustbowl Dance

                      Hey, everyone. So, I was feeling an absence in good gaming the other day and ordered Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Let me tell you, it totally holds up. After an hour and a half ( So close to getting off Taris) I am still proud to say that it is the best RPG I have ever played. Sure, the graphics are crazy dated, but the mechanics and story are sound. I just can't wait until I'm off Taris and can become a Jedi on Dantooine. Once you become a Jedi, you can pretty much do anything. NOSTALGIASM!
                       I did notice a few things this time through. I guess Bioware wanted to make the game so much like the films that every single person is a terrible shot. I'm serious, more than half the blaster shots miss. I don't really get why you would need a blaster after Dantooine though. I mean sure, Get on for Cath ( That guy is never leaving my party), but Does anyone even use them once light sabers are unlocked? Another thing I noticed is the armor. The bad guys (the Sith) use a sweet, shiny looking armor that you initially think gves them an advantage. It soooo does not. The Sith armor is so horrible, I didn't even want to wear it through the securety check point for fear of bumping into a wall and dying on impact. This is obviously a stab at the Storm Trooper armor in the original trilogy. That armor was so usless that tiny bears were able to stab through it with sticks. Yea..... that happened.
                       Anywho, I'm going to be getting back to this sweet game (Hopefully I will be getting off Taris soon.). I don't think I will be able to play for long though. I got raped at work today (Figuratively of course) and they didn't even use lube ( I guess I'll find out if it was real if I take a pregnancy test). I hope you guys have a great night/day.
Addison out.

Facts I Hate #8: If I go to Star Wars Celebration 7 dressed as Carth Onasi, no one will know who I am.

The man. The myth. The legend.... Carth Onasi.