Bullet and the Bullseye

                  Well, here we are again. Slightly drunk, not remotely tired, and very much bored. It's been over a year and a half since my last time posting and you'd think I'd have figured things out by now. However, even as I sit here trying to fill up this staggeringly empty page with some sort of fluid thought, I'm still lost. How do people do it? So many people seem to know exactly what they want out of life and how to make it happen. I still have no idea what I want out of life. I keep seeing people around me with an incredible drive to accomplish goals and enjoy what they're truly passionate about and I cant help but feel lost.
                   Things are a little better though. I moved to Tallahassee this year. Everyone always asks if I moved for school, and it's gotten to the point I just say yes rather than explain that I just wanted to live somewhere new ( That one seems to weird people out). I've also found a great new lie to tell people when they ask why I don't drive. I've just started saying that I care too much about the environment. People seem to grasp that concept a lot easier than the idea that I'm absolutely terrified of driving and traffic. As and added benefit, people assume I'm a good person for walking and using public transportation, rather than eat away at the ozone.
                   Now I just feel like I'm stalling. I've decided that I want to start writing again, but I feel like I'm hitting the same problem that caused me to stop. I have no idea what to write about. I'm a pretty boring person. I tend to just work, play video games, and watch a stupid amount of movies. I might try my hand at movie reviews until I either work my way through every movie in my archive or realize that I am in fact the douche bag movie reviewer that I've always hated. I have to do something other than binge watch Andromeda though. Hunt out.

The Hard Truth

                 

                      Today, I was hit with a very firm truth. I am destined to live alone. Sure, I've got my amazing beard and charming smile, but I just hate people too much to want to have anything to do with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dick head who kicks puppies and sneers at little kids, I just don't like people.... like.... at all. People are just dirty, annoying, and they waste so much time on useless social customs. Sure, I could continue to rock my fake smile and boring small talk, but it's just not me. I actually had a conversation today about the differences between fountain soda and canned soda. I shit you not, that really happened.
                     Of all my issues with people, its the dirtiness that gets to me the worst. It's almost like people want to get each other sick. Parents allow their kids to smear god-knows-what all over anything they can reach, decrepit old men get on the public bus and shit themselves ( A guy did this in the seat next to me today), and everybody wants to touch. How did all of this touching become the polite way of interaction? If I want to say hello to someone, I shouldn't have to shake their hand, bump their fist, give them five, or give them a fucking hug. If you can't get your point across with your words, then it obviously isn't a very important point. I just wish people would keep their hands to themselves and shower on a daily basis.
                      Working in a hotel, I've had to interact with some annoying people. I've heard complaints about anything you could think of and, to tell you the truth, most of them are pretty fucking stupid. I've heard guests complain about their sheets not being cleaned from the night before ( Do you change the sheets in your own home every night?), their appetizer got cold while they were eating their salad ( Maybe you should eat hot food first and not talk on your phone while you're in a damned restaurant.), and the ever classy "I can hear my ac unit (Then turn it the fuck off!). People just want to complain and voice their opinion on everything. I wish people would realize that I truly don't care. All I want to do is get through the week so I can spend my day off alone, at home, not having to interact with people.
                     Does anyone really like all of the social customs? There are so many that are just pointless. Why would anyone other than your family/close friends care how you are doing today, how your holidays were, or what your weekend plans are. The question "How are you?" and its response has become so structured and automatic, that people have to know that no one cares. Every time I make eye contact and repeat the line " I'm doing well. How are you?" I feel a little part of my soul tearing off and dying. All these phrases do is trigger an automated response, or initiate a longer conversation that has no reason but to waste time and energy that could be spent doing other things.
                     Well there you go. Now you know what I think to myself every single time I leave the house. Sure, I may sound like an old man or a complete dick, but I'm not. I'd like to think I'm a pretty nice guy. I just don't like leaving the house. Now if you will excuse me, I have some vidya games to play and some Dexter to watch. ( I just downloaded every single episode of Dexter. So good.)
                   

Middle Distnce Runner

                   I have survived Wintereensmas 2012 and I am back! For those of you who don't know, Wintereensmas is the winter ( Halloween-Christmas) video game season. As a nerd, it was my duty to focus all of my energy on work and (more importantly) video games. With all of the games that were  spewing into the stores, I had no time to crush them and keep up with this blog. I had to make some cutbacks, but now I'm back. And to prove that I truly did crush this Wintereensmas, I will briefly share my adventures from the past few months (in sequential order).

Borderlands 2

                   
                     Borderlands 2 Kicked off Wintereensmas and really set the bar high. In Borderlands 2, you could team up with up to 3 friends for a whirlwind adventure filled to the brim with violence, midgets, and diamond horses named Butt Stallion. Sure, the game was crude at times (all the time) but that's what gave Borderlands 2 its charm. It was a great game, and I will be replaying it with all the dlc soon enough.
Resident Evil 6

                        And then there was Resident Evil 6. RE6 was a major letdown for me. Being the recluse that I am, I went into RE6 solo. Starting as Leon S. Kennedy (super awesome zombie killing agent), you are partnered with Helena Harper. Without anyone to control Helena, the game's A.I. takes control and fucks your world up. The game's A.I. was so terrible, I have deemed this game unplayable until I have a partner to run through it with. Seriously, I only made it to the last chapter of the first campaign.
Dishonored

                        Dishonored was the surprisingly good underdog game this year, but I'm going to love any game where you play a steam-punk assassin. Getting close to the release date, I almost let this game slip by me, but something stopped me and told me to go for it. In Dishonored, you are Corvo, the queens guard. Framed for her assassination, you are taken to prison, where you escape and (with the help of a rag-tag team) put an end to those who framed you and save the princess. With the use of crossbows, swords, and magic powers, nothing can stop you. I definitely recommend this game. 
Assassin's Creed 3

                     Assassin's Creed 3 was another letdown in my book. With shoddy game mechanics and a terrible main character, I was finding it hard to focus on how awesome the Assassin's Creed story is. Even more than the mechanics, I hated playing as Connor so much. Playing as a North American savage (Indian) is probably the only way a game could ever make me miss the days of being a dirty Italian jumping along the rooftops of his people. I'll get more into this (the game, not my hatred of the white guilt that pushes our country's hand every day) later, but in the mean time, just rent this game. There is no reason to buy it.
Halo 4

                     If you own an Xbox 360 and do not have/plan on getting Halo 4, then you are a terrible person who probably enjoys kicking puppies. For shame. Finally playing as Master Chief again was great and all, but the real nerdgasm lies in the multiplayer. Sure, the maps aren't great, but the weekly updates and added Spartan Ops missions makes this game near perfection. Halo 4 is so good, that I feel bad for having not played in in the past 4 days. As cheap as I am, there's no reason to not buy this game right now. Sure, there will be a price drop someday, but you will also die someday. Think about that.
Black Ops 2

                      Black Ops 2 was good. Not great, just good. the multiplayer engine used in this Black Ops just feels too much like the one used in Modern Warfare. Being a big fan of the first Black Ops, I'm left feeling rather disappointed. Sure, there's a zombie mode, but I miss mowing down other players with a Galil and not being killed by Hunter Killer Drones every five fucking seconds. I really wish this game was better, but its just good.
Far Cry 3

                      Far Cry 3 is pretty sick. You play as Jason Brody ( "Bro" being in his name is actually a major hint at his personality), a rich twenty-something who decided that skydiving into a random jungle with his friends was a good idea. Surprise Surprise! They all get kidnapped by a crazed pirate who intends to ransom them to their families, then sell them into slavery. Despite being out matched and out gunned, Jason gets a magic tribal tattoo ( You can't make this shit up) that allows him to murder just about every pirate on the island. As Jason saves his friends, he really grows as a character and with one line, became my favorite playable character of the season. He was told that since he had help fetch an item it was his job to install it. That's when he said my line that I've been saying for all of 2012. " Wait.... is that even a thing?"
Star Wars : The Old Republic

 

 

                        I know, The Old Republic didn't even come out this year, but I finally have a laptop that can play video games. With Elder Scrolls Online quickly approaching, I figured it was time I got into the whole MMO thing. I am really surprised how good this game is. I was pissed that Knights of the Old Republic 3 never happened, but it kind of did. SWTOR plays more like a Bioware RPG than an MMO. You make a character, choose your speech options, gain light side/dark side points, have the option to romance a follower, and have your own unique story in the Star Wars universe. SWTOR went free to play in November, so if you're not sure about it, you should really download it and give it a try. I highly recommend it.

 

 

                       There you have it, proof that I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing for the past few months. I have been saving planets, rescuing rich white kids, assassinating the British, killing zombies, and mastering the fucking force. I am back, but for now, I must excuse myself. I have a bounty to turn in and a Jedi to kill.

Stay classy.

What a Lovely Way to Burn

                      Hey guys. Just to be clear, I'm not dead. Sure, I've been gone for a while, but I have a really good reason for that. I have been working my balls off. A guy at work got fired a few weeks ago and I picked p all of his hours. It wasn't until this past week that I realized how much that guy worked. But I'm not there right now, so I don't even want to think of that place. What I do want to think about is me. I moved back home and started this blog as a way to grow as a person. I really haven't done anything to help that. I'm right back to doing what I did before. I don't talk to anyone outside of work or xbox live, I'm still terrified of driving, I have virtually the same job I had before, and Im still not in school.
                      Sure, I'm helpful and my parents like having me around, but I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I just thought I would have done something by this point in my life. I know there is still plenty of time for me to do something, but I just wish someone would give me some sort of hint as to what that something is. I've been avoiding the question " What do you want to be when you grow up?" my whole life. I just want an answer to give.
                      But enough about that. Lets talk about games ( I'm sorry, it's one of the few socially acceptable things I know enough to talk about). The game I considered the underdog game of the year came out this past week. Dishonored places you in the role of Corvo, a spectral assassin who's life was fucked over when the Empress ( his boss and lover) was assassinated and all fingers pointed to him. After escaping from jail, Corvo gains the use of magic abilities and advanced stealth tech and is given a plan to seek his revenge and rescue the princess.
                    I wasn't too sure about this one and had no plans to buy it. Drunk Addison (D.A.) thought it would be awesome and preordered it a few months ago. After frantically trying to figure out how I lost $60 in my account, the doorbell rang and there was a package from Amazon. Turns out, I got smashed one night and preordered it. I even had it gift wrapped and left a note for myself. " I know you want to thank me, but don't. That's conceited as fuck. - Drunk Addison" After playing it, I was right. I really did want to thank myself. Dishonored is a great game and I would have missed out on it had it not been for my good friend D.A. ( And his buddy JackOnTheRocks).
                    Any who, my bother is in town for the week and I really don't want to hear him making fun of me for doing a vlog, so I'll wait until he's gone for the next explanation of the video game industry ( with severely less "fuck"s). It's getting to that time of night now where I have two options: Sleep or play Skyrim. I'm considering the second one, but I'm pretty tired right now. I hope you have have an awesome fucking day.
                                                        Boom Goes the Dynamite

My First Vlog!!!

                           Hey, guys. So I just made my first vlog! I have to say, not a fan of watching myself speak.... Any ways, in order to help you all better understand what I'm talking about, I put together a little dictionary of terms for you. A "vocab list" if you will. I hope this helps.


NPC- Non-Playable Character. Any side character in a game that you do not have to option to play as.

RPG- Role Playing Game. Any video game where you have the ability to choose your characters appearance, the outcome of the story, or how the game is played. RPG's aren't always played with 9 sided dice in a basement.

FPS- First Person Shooter. Any video game that puts the camera in the eyes of the character.  when you turn, he turns. When you move, he moves. His eyes are the camera.

TPS- Third Person Shooter. Usually an over the shoulder view. Sometimes the view is from directly behind the character.

RTS- Real Time Strategy. A type of game that puts you in control of an army. You gather minerals, build armies, conquer enemies, and construct additional pylons (Star Craft reference).

RROD- Red Ring of Death. A common problem among the first generation Xbox 360's. The 3 red lights in the power ring were an error code signaling one of many fatal system errors. This problem has since been fixed with the update to the 360 design.

OP- Over Powered. Many people find various weapons or characters over powered. Usually, this is because said people just suck at video games and whine when it gets too tough for them. These people are the panzies that the video game developers pander to and are the reason that games are so much easier now.

 Nerf- Developers nerf certain elements of a game that they feel are too OP. The amazingly awesome pistol in the first Halo game was Nerfed so hard that it became the worst gun in the game. I would rather use the needler.

Glitch- A glitch is an error in the coding of a game. Sometimes a glitch can be as little as a flicker in a wall texture, while other times it can be as game breaking as a complete level reset or constant game crash.

 Patch- A patch is an update to a games software after the release of a game. With the current generation of consoles having constant internet connection, patches are much more frequent and regular than before.

Lag- Lag occurs when one or more people in an online game have shitty connections, causing characters to jump from place to place with no control on positioning. The game is essentially trying to figure out what the fuck those people are doing.

Lag Switch- Lag Switching is when a person intentionally connects and disconnects from their router during an online match, causing lag. If they are the host, they can walk around the game smoothly while everyone else  is left with the effects of the lag.

Hacker- A hacker is someone who actually manipulates the coding of a game. However, many assume that just because someone is better then them at Halo or Call of Duty, they must be hacking the game.

Death Match- A death match is usually a game type in which 5 people compete to get the most kills. Usually the score limit is 25, but it varies by game.

Team Death Match. A team death match is just that. A team of usually 4 against another team of 4. Loads of fun with some buddies.

Spawn Point- A spawn point is the spot on the map in which you a brought back into the game. Like a checkpoint.

Camping- A legitimate strategy. Camping (usually with a sniper) is when a person finds a nice spot to sit and blend in with the surrounding as unsuspecting prey run by and are quickly taken down.

Noob- Noobs are people who know very little about a game. They jump right in, figure it out as they go, and when they find something early on that works, they stick with it. Imagine playing Mortal Kombat against a guy who just bicycle kicks the entire match. That is a noob.

Noob Tube- The attached grenade launcher in any of the Call of Duty games. Being a one hit kill, many noobs flock to this attachment and use nothing else the entire game.

HUD- Heads Up Display. A HUD is any kind of meter on the screen. The health bar, ammo count, mini-map, and any other extras that your character wouldn't be seeing make up the HUD.

Mini-Map- The map usually found in the corner of your screen. Most games have them, but for some reason, games have been getting rid of them to incorporate shittier methods. (The bread trail in Fable 2)

Platforming- Platforming is a jumping obstacle course in a video game. Sure, they are annoying as shit, but they are relaxing at the same time. Takes you back the the days of Spyro the Dragon.

Farming- Farming is when you repeatedly kill the same enemy over and over again to gain experience points, money, or a rare item. People farm the shit out of the bosses in Borderlands 2 for the rare weapons and the customizable heads they drop.



                           There we go guys, I hope you can all enjoy my video now, and begin to understand  a little more about gaming in today's society.

 

Claudia's Eulogy

                       It is with a heavy heart that I inform you all of the death of a very dear friend of mine. Being in my company for the past six years, Claudia and I have shared many adventures. She was there for the start of my band, Pussy Patrol. She aided in the closing of the Oblivion gates, the slaying of Alduin, and the Purification of the DC water basin. Hell, she was there when Commander Shepard defeated the Reapers and got to third base with Tali. Claudia was with me through my awkward teens and straight into my awkward twenties. I remember it like it was yesterday.... With my grades dropping, my father blamed no one but Claudia, and therefore banned me from spending time with her. But that wasn't even about to stop us. Each day, as I got home from school, Claudia and I would have an hour to roam the streets of Liberty City, Fight off the Covenant in a galactic war, or destroy the evil Darkspawn. It is these memories that I will Cherish and be thankful for, because they will allow her live on forever. Claudia can never be replaced, for she lives on with me, and will never be forgotten.

R.I.P.
Claudia
12/25/06 - 09/23/12

Forming the band! Claudia's 1st birthday
12/25/07

She had an identity crisis a few years back, but I nursed her back to health

From You To Me

                   Hey,guys. Sorry its been a while. Borderlands came out and I got extremely distracted. Anywho, I've made a few lists at work, and figured I should start posting them. First up is a personal favorite of mine. Of all the games I've played, I've compiled a list of the top five video game companions. I hope you all like it.


#5  Sparx : Spyro

                        In Spyro, Sparx is your friend, health bar, and gem detector. Sure, he doesn't speak and he is always eating defenceless butterflies, but he's the best friend a tiny purple dragon could ever ask for. I was there when Spyro took on Gnast Gnork, Ripto, and that evil sorceress bitch. He never ran, and for that, Sparx deserves the spot at #5 on this list.
#4  Garrus Vakarian : Mass Effect

                           Garrus Fucking Vakarian! In the first Mass Effect, we meet a Turrian named Garrus. Garrus was a security officer who was through with the corruption on the streets and the uselessness of the justice system. His "shoot first, ask questions later" attitude gives off a very "Dirty Harry" vibe. Once you reconnect with him in the second game, you find out that he is The Bat Man. Come Mass Effect 3, Garrus is pulling a Tom Hanks and rescuing a single soldier from the middle of a trench war. Ladies and gentlemen, Garrus Vakarian is a fucking badass.
#3  Serana : Skyrim

                          Serana may be an anchient, evil, bloodsucking vampire, but she is my anchient, evil, bloodsucking vampire. Being locked away for centuries, Serana grew to resent the shit out of her evil father. She is so pissed at that guy, she joins up with a group of vampire hunters just so she can fuck him up. Being a vampire, she has some pretty rad powers that help out... like a lot. Her powers and disposition toward her father ( and the Sun) earn her the #3 slot.
#2  Morrigan : Dragon Age

                       Morrigan is fucking awesome. She is funny, condisending, savage as fuck, sexy, and voiced by the amazing Claudia Black ( Whats not to love?). Throughout the course of the game, You never quite know where Morrigan's loyalties lie. You wonder if she is secretly spying on you to her mother. You Prepare for her to stab you in the back at any moment. You even wonder if she will bail on you when you truely need her, unless you put a baby in her ( It's the last one.). Morrigans motives and loyalty may be a mystery, but that in no way stops her from being the second greatest video game companion.
#1  Carth Onasi : Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic

 

                  Carth Onasi is a glorified Badass. He was a war hero during the Mandalorian wars, he helped Revan defeat Darth Malak and destroy the star forge, and (nearly a half hour after finding his long lost son training in a Sith compound) shot his treterous son right in the fucking head. Carth is a mother fucking badass and I can't even imagine playing through Knights of the Old republic without him in my party the entire time. Carth Deserves this spot at #1. He has earned it.



What I Got

                        Hey, everybody. With the end of the world quickly approaching, I figured I would figure out the type of team I would need to survive in a post apocalyptic wasteland. I came up with 9 different archetypes : The Leader, The Wheelman, The Shadow, The Demolition Man, The Medic, The Powerhouse, The Slut, The Spotter, and The Survivalist. If you find yourself wandering through any sort of post apocalyptic wasteland, find these people. With this group setup, you won't be let down.


The Leader : Rick Grimes

                     Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead) is an obvious choice for the leader of the group. He knows how to make the tough decisions, he has lead his group through some crazy shit, and the only time something goes wrong is when Carl fucks up and doesn't stay inside at night. Seriously, I hope they kill off Carl soon....  That little shit bag.

The Wheelman : Third Street Saints Leader

                        Playing as the leader of the Third Street Saints in Saint's Row the Third, I have come to realise that she is a total badass. Not only does my version have the same voice as Serana (Skyrim), but she can drive/fly just about anything ( And if it has guns attached, that's a plus). She even picked up on flying a jet bike really fast.

The Shadow : Ezio Auditore

                       Ezio Auditore ( Assassins Creed 2) was really the only choice fore the role as The Shadow. In a post apocalyptic world, you tend to need supplies, and as every video game has taught me, the best loot is usually the hardest to get. Whether its conquering obstacles or evading enemies, Ezio is your man. And if zombies are the threat, his mastery of silent killing will come in handy.


The Demolition Man : John McClane

                      Shit seems to always be blowing up around John McClane ( Die Hard). As a New York cop who has pissed off far too many German terrorists, John is constantly running from bombs, disarming bombs, or repurposing bombs to destroy his enemies. Personally, I can't think of anyone I would rather have in charge of blowing shit up.


The Medic : James

                        James (fallout 3) is the father of  The Vault Boy. James, living in a post apocalyptic world, would know how to treat radiation poisoning, various infections, and other dangers to be found in the wasteland. As a doctor/scientist, he discovered a way to purify a lake of irradiated water. That is the kind of guy you want to be friends with. Oh, and he is voiced by Liam Neeson, so badass points are earned there.
The Powerhouse : Darth Revan

                    (Star Wars: Knights of the old republic) Let me be clear here. I do not mean Revan, the Dark lord. I mean Revan, the redeemed Jedi on a mission to destroy Darth Malak and the Star Forge. Revan, eager to advance his knowledge of the force and how to use it, became one of the most powerfull Jedi of his time. With the help of 9 others, he was able to cripple the Sith empire and defeat Darth Malak. He even discovered the Star Forge twice (He lost his memory, then found it again). With his mastery of the force, Revan can rock shit any day. He is the perfect fit for The Powerhouse.


The Slut : Zoey

                    Before you assume that I'm talking about the Zoey from Left 4 Dead, let me clarify. I'm talking about the Zoey from the porn parody Left 4 Head. The reason this slut is important, is because she was able to find a fatal weakness in the special infected. Zoey was able to single handedly take down a witch ( crazy hard zombie that mercs everybody). What Zoey found, is that zombies need love too. Yes, she killed a witch by having sex with it. Oh, and it turns out witches are squirters.... maybe that's what kills them?


The Spotter : Cortana

                       Cortana (Halo) is an A.I. or Artificial Intelligence. When interfaced with any computer connected the internet, she can hack anything you want. So if you need recon done, the is probably a camera near by. She can hack the shit out of that camera. She really doubles as 2 specializations. Recon and Tech-Expert. This ideal member of your team will make sure nobody ever gets the drop on you.


The Survivalist : Kenzi

                      And then there was Kenzi (Lost Girl). Being a runaway, and the only human in a gang of Faye ( Fairy Folk or magical creatures), Kenzi often relies on her street smarts. She has "a guy" for everything, knows how to escape any situation, and is a bit of a clepto. You would be surprised how important thievery is in a post apocalyptic world. When currency holds no value, you need to pick up any trinkets you can. Kenzi is perfectly suited to deal with the currency issue, and being Russian as fuck, she is well versed in the art of haggling. Plus shes got that oddly attractive punk/goth thing going on.

                       There we have it, my post apocalyptic dream team. Sure, none of these people actually exist, but if the multiverse ends up crashing in on its self and they all end up existing in the real world, then at least I'll know who to find. Oh, and for all the people with their ideal teams of four other people or those wondering why I didn't make it an even, let me remind you of something. You want a space in the team too, right? Never have an odd number team. As long as the buddy system is in place, you should be fine.
                           Until next time, this is Addison signing out.



Things I Can't Wait For #3 : October 14th! The Walking Dead season 3 premieres on the 14th, and it will be sweet.

Winter is Coming

                     Hey, everybody. Sorry I've been gone for a while, but I was making videos, reading terms and condition ( Yes, I actually read those), and playing Saints Row the Third. I have to say, after posting the videos and hearing my voice, I really hat the way I sound. There is almost no inflection. At first, I thought it was the mic I was using. But no, that's just my voice. How do people not fall asleep when I speak? It's the most monotone voice ever. If I ever start smoking, I might sound like the brother from Everybody Loves Raymond. Fuck!
                     But I'm not going to dwell on that. I got an instant approval for YouTube partnership, I've started posting my videos, and I have been playing a shit ton of Saints Row ( Such an awesome game!). With only 6 days until Borderlands 2 comes out, all is right with the world.


https://www.youtube.com/user/MrAddisonRulz

Things I Can't Wait For #2: Game of Thrones Season 3!!!! I just finished the second season last night. Soooooo good!

Where's All The Side Boob?

                     Hey, everyone. Sorry that I've been gone, but it's been for a good reason. In this next week, I will be posting on my YouTube channel and getting all of that started. I've been recording a lot of video lately and finally have the channel started. We have our name and will be posting an intro video before the end of the week, and will then begin our regular segments. I'm really excited out this, and can't wait to start. So close.
                    On a side note, I recently started watching movies from my past to see if they hold up, or if nostalgia has just taken over my brain. The movies I tested first were Total Recall and Demolition Man. Total Recall totally holds up. Sure, the computers in the future are dated as fuck and jazzersize is big, but I can look past that. I'd say the only thing I can't look past is the three boobed mutant. I love boobs. I love them so much, I wish chicks really did have three. It's a beautiful thing.
                     Demolition Man, on the other hand, really does not hold up. Watching it now makes me feel like my childhood was a lie. This movie is horrible. Bad acting, horrible story, and ridiculous characters make up this travesty of a movie. They even managed to mess up a sex scene with Sandra Bullock. How does that even happen? It's not hard to make a good sex scene when you have a hot actress. All they had to do was do what early 90's movies do best. Show some boob. Demolition Man showed no boob, not even a little side boob action. The slightest bit of side boob would have even excused the fact that Stalone missed with every gun ( Why did he even try?). Watching this movie was worse than playing through the first hour of Duke Nukem Forever ( That's right, I had to play the first hour for a video. It was so bad, we might not even use the video. FML.).

That's an actual quote. Why is there no side boob?

                    Well guys, the next movie on my list is The Great Mouse Detective. I have high hopes for that one. If you guys would like to to check out any other movies ( as apposed to you risking your childhood memories), just let me know. I'll let all of you know when the first video goes up, and keep you posted from then on. Borderlands 2 comes out soon, so I'll have plenty of material for the channel. Have a great night/day.
Addison out.


Things I Can't Wait For #1: This November, Star Wars: The Old Republic will become free to play. As a fan of Kotor, and Star Wars video games in general, I will be buying it then. So stoked!

(p.s. I tried posting this last night, but Brighthouse decided to be shitty and I didn't have internet from 1 am to after  4 am.)

Dustbowl Dance

                      Hey, everyone. So, I was feeling an absence in good gaming the other day and ordered Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Let me tell you, it totally holds up. After an hour and a half ( So close to getting off Taris) I am still proud to say that it is the best RPG I have ever played. Sure, the graphics are crazy dated, but the mechanics and story are sound. I just can't wait until I'm off Taris and can become a Jedi on Dantooine. Once you become a Jedi, you can pretty much do anything. NOSTALGIASM!
                       I did notice a few things this time through. I guess Bioware wanted to make the game so much like the films that every single person is a terrible shot. I'm serious, more than half the blaster shots miss. I don't really get why you would need a blaster after Dantooine though. I mean sure, Get on for Cath ( That guy is never leaving my party), but Does anyone even use them once light sabers are unlocked? Another thing I noticed is the armor. The bad guys (the Sith) use a sweet, shiny looking armor that you initially think gves them an advantage. It soooo does not. The Sith armor is so horrible, I didn't even want to wear it through the securety check point for fear of bumping into a wall and dying on impact. This is obviously a stab at the Storm Trooper armor in the original trilogy. That armor was so usless that tiny bears were able to stab through it with sticks. Yea..... that happened.
                       Anywho, I'm going to be getting back to this sweet game (Hopefully I will be getting off Taris soon.). I don't think I will be able to play for long though. I got raped at work today (Figuratively of course) and they didn't even use lube ( I guess I'll find out if it was real if I take a pregnancy test). I hope you guys have a great night/day.
Addison out.

Facts I Hate #8: If I go to Star Wars Celebration 7 dressed as Carth Onasi, no one will know who I am.

The man. The myth. The legend.... Carth Onasi.

Dissolve

                  Hey, everyone. So, I was recently judged for my taste in women. It was assumed that I am attracted  slutty women. That's not entirely true. What I am attracted to is a woman that is attracted to me. To disprove the naysayers, I am about to share with you all my top ten celebrity crushes. I would lie to preface this list with saying that I came up with this list when I was like 15. While I still agree with the people, I did have to change the order ( Despite popular belief, my tastes have matured over the years.). Oh, and I left porn stars off the list because of their natural advantage. Sorry, Allie Sinn.


#10)  Giada De Laurentiis

                      For those of you who don't watch the Food Network when bored, Giada De Laurentiis is the hottie that does Everyday Italian. I found out about this gem of a show when I had to sleep on the couch in the living room for a week. One day, I awoke to the the beautiful sight of a woman with huge "personalities" making a sandwich. It was glorious. That right there was the American dream. A perky chick making sandwiches and looking nice doing it. Since then, I have watched the Food Network so much more..... But I still don't know how to make grilled cheese....
#9)  Kate Moss

                      I am a firm believer that everything beautiful needs one flaw. Christina Perri has her bottom teeth, Megan Fox has her toe thumbs, and Kate Moss has her mole. I know many of you are Google-ing it up trying to find out what mole I'm talking about, so I'll just tell you. Kate Moss has a mole on her boob, casting the illusion of a third nipple. A part of me isn't sure if this is indeed a flaw, or just the next step in evolving the tri-boobs from Total Recall. Either way, I like it.
#8)  Rachel McAdams

                  I don't care who says otherwise, Rachel McAdams is fucking beautiful. She was the only reason I was ever able to sit through that depressing Terms of Endearment ripoff, The Family Stone. Sure, the mom is dying of cancer and the family is falling apart, but Rachel McAdams is hot enough that I can overlook that. Hell, shes hot enough that I almost downloaded The Time Traveler's Wife. I'm not saying I watch her movies with my pants around my ankles. I'm just saying I wouldn't be too ashamed if I got caught.
#7)  Alessandra Ambrosio

                   I still remember it like it was yesterday. I must have been ten when I discovered the gold at the end of the rainbow of catalogs in the bathroom. I had been going to the bathroom for years and somehow managed to overlook the wonders of Victoria's Secret. It was like a dream come true. It was an entire catalog of women in panties, and since I grew up with two girls in the house, it was perfectly alright for it to be in the bathroom. God bless the USA.... and what ever country Alessandra Ambrosio is from.
#6)  Claudia Black

                      I don't even know what to say about Claudia Black, so I'll just go through my nerdy milf checklist. Sexy as fuck? Check! Cult science fiction star? Check! Hot accent? You fucking bet! Video games? Did two of my favorites! Speaks at ComicCon? We have a winner! Has a thing for average 20 year old nerds that live in Melbourne Florida? If there is a god, then that will be a yes one day....
#5)  Milla Jovovich

                     Milla Jovovich is probably the only Russian woman I would ever confess my love to. She first peaked my interest in The Fifth Element as Leeloo ( Sexy redhead who beats the shit out of people and exposes herself a lot). Now a days, Milla stars in the Resident Evil movies as Alice, the hottie who survives the zombie apocalypse in tube tops, short shorts, and knee high boots. could she be any more perfect?
#4)  Brody Dalle

                       Brody Dalle is a bad bitch. Being the front woman for The Distillers, Brody could be seen as intimidating as fuck. That intimidation, coupled with her general sexiness, gives her a "When I'm done with you, I'm going to crush up your bones and snort them" vibe. Whats weird is that I am more than ok with that vibe. What can I say, I like when a chick is stronger than me...... I should just stop now, before I fend off any chance of ever having a girlfriend.
#3)  Shannyn Sossamon

                     You may remember her as the hot princess from A Knight's Tale, or the hot druggie chick from Wrist Cutters: A Love Story. I remember her as the hot chick whose name shows up far too often in my google images search history. It doesn't matter how we remember her though, because in the end, she will go down as one of the few women in the world to have perfected the art of the toothy smile. For those of you who do not know the power of the toothy smile, allow me to explain. The toothy smile, when perfected, allows a woman to break into the very soul of a man and enthrall the shit out of him. In this state, she can command him to do anything from pay for her meal to kill a family of seven. The toothy smile is just not fair, but I can't get enough of it.
#2)  Kate Beckinsale

                      Kate Beckinsale is a beautiful classy lady. Sure, she's fucking bonkers, but in today's society, that's just considered quirky. I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, Kate Beckinsale is the sole reason for me watching the Underworld movies. They were alright, but it was pretty shitty of the writers to through in that prequel. After about 30 minutes, I had given up any hope of seeing Kate in the leather cat suit and corset, so I shut it off in disgust.
....... I would drink her dirty dirty blood any day. (I'm sorry, I had to say it.)
#1)  Ryan Reynolds

                        It is 2012. I am allowed to have a man-crush without it being gay. Ryan Reynolds lands the #1 spot not because I want to be with him, rather because I want to be him. He is everything I want to be in life. He's charming as fuck, funny a shit, and he's fucking good looking. Sure, he might be a little stupid for breaking up with some of the beauties that he has, but can you honestly say you would even stand the chance that he had with them? That's right, you can't. However, with every great thing comes one fatal flaw...... Ryan Reynolds is Canadian.




                    There we have it, guys. The list that occupied most of my time at work today is now in front of me. I have to say, I'm not disappointed. I hope all of you guys enjoyed this list and keep coming back for more. If you have any feedback or comments, please feel free to leave them at the bottom. I hope you all have a great night/ day, I need to be getting to some Soul Calibur 5.
Addison out.

Facts I Hate #8: If the zombie apocalypse doesn't happen, then I have wasted so much time pre-planning.

Why Don't You Do Right

                     Hey, everyone. I just wanted to let you guys in on whats been going on with the YouTube channel. Turns out, every bit of footage I had was really distorted. The sound would speed up at some points and be uber slow at others. However, I figured out how to fix that today and can start re shooting. Right now, I'm working on an introductory video. Its going to have a montage of badassery in various video games. Now that I have to re film everything, it might take a while. Don't worry though, we will have everything up and running soon. ( We do still need a name though....)
                    For the montage, I'm thinking of having some sweet assassinations from Assassins Creed, a dragon take down from Skyrim, killing something huge in Gears of War, Something amazing from Mass Effect, and maybe some mass zombie death clips. I'll be sure to let you all know when it's in its final stages and being posted. Any who, I should get some sleep. Tomorrow is my first day back at work since picking up this damned flu. After two days of staying in flannel pajama pants and being sooooo cold the whole time, I find myself craving the money to buy some adult footie pajamas ( and I still need to pre-order Halo 4 and RE6). Before I go, let me leave you with one bit of advice that will benefit the shit out of everyone. If you are sick and there is even the slightest chance that it is contagious, STAY THE FUCK HOME! If you are not in elementary school, you should know by now that if you go to work with the flu, somebody else is getting sick. That's kind of a dick move. With that, I'm going to try to stop feeling like I've been hit by a bus. I hope you all have a great night/day. And now that you've been playing with the mouse/keyboard/phone, go wash your god damned hands. All those things are disgusting ( I know what else you do on the internet!).

Incase you didn't know how it's done.

Facts I Hate #7: I am not independently wealthy.

What Lucas Should Have Fixed

                     Hey, everybody. I went to Star Wars Celebration VI the other day and was given the chance to watch the original trilogy on the silver screen. Being on a bigger screen made me realize that, while awesome, the original trilogy has some bad point. So I came up with a list of 15 things that bug the crap out of me in the trilogy. Some of the things are a little more cliche than others, but they all belong on the list. So here we go, starting at number 15.


15)  Sounds in Space
                    I'm cool with them having sounds in the fight scenes, but did the character really have to hear them? The movie would have really sucked with no explosions and fighting sounds, but I can't stand when there is a sound and C3-P0 goes "What was that?". Space is a Vacuum! There is no sound!
14)  Aiming
                    Why does everyone suck at aiming with the blaster rifles? There is a scope at the top of every single rifle, but the giant fucking bear on the team seems to be the only one that knows that. If the storm troopers ever decided to use the scopes, everyone is screwed.

Totally has a scope!

13)  Throwing the Light Sabers
                    If you really pay attention, every time a light saber is dropped by Luke, it shuts off in seconds. If it needs to be held at all times, then how can Darth Vader throw his and cut down the cat walk that Luke is on? That shouldn't be able to happen.
12)  Hiding Luke
                    So, Obi-Wan did do a good job at placing Leia. However, when it comes to Luke, he really kinda screwed the pooch on that one. When it comes to hiding a kid from his dad, the last place I would hide him is where he grew up. Sure, it was only his half brother, but Anakin grew up there.
11)  Dragging Vader through the Death Star
                    I have a few problems with this one. 1, how does Luke drag Vader through a space station filled with bad guys and never get stopped? If I was tasked with guarding the emperor and failed to do that, I would at least stop the guy dragging my boss away. 2, Why does he drag him? If he was really a master of the force, why not float him to a ship? The tiny green Muppet was able to pull a space ship out of a swamp, and he has to actually carry a limp body through a space station.
10)  Luke's Real Father
                     Am I the only one that's noticed the fact that Luke looks way more like the emperor than that crusty old white dude under the helmet? They both have sunken eyes, butt chins, and nasty ass skin. And if the force runs strong with Luke and his family, then why is Vader the emperor's man slave? If the Skywalkers were stronger in the force, then Vader would be in command. Therefore, I think the Skywalker kids are really Palpatines, and Amidala was a whore.

Still think he's a Skywalker?

9)  Mod More Ships Like the Falcon
                     If the Millennium Falcon is just a cheap cargo ship that was modded to evade the empire, than why didn't the rebels just build more of them? Instead of replicating the Falcon, the seem to have invested in shit tons of tiny ass ships that blow up with one shot from a tie-fighter. And for everyone that thinks it wasn't the ship, but Han, Lando, and Chewie's flying that was superior, Why aren't they teaching the rebel how to fly their ships better? If I had Han on the payroll, I wouldn't waste his talents. He would be the top instructor.
8)  Building the Light Saber
                       Ok, when Luke first faces Vader in cloud city, Luke's hand gets cut off and he loses is light saber. At this point, Luke had abandoned his lessons with Yoda, and is trying to rescue Han. When he shows up at Jabba's palace, he has a whole new light saber. What I want to know is where they hell did it come from? Yoda's is like a foot long, he still had his blue one when he left Dagobah, and he didn't return to Yoda until after he rescued Han. Who they hell taught him how to build it? In Kotor, I had to ask the council how to build one. They were gone by this time! Did Luke really just kinda wing it?
7)  Ancient Tech?
                       If light sabers are such an ancient technology, why doesn't everyone have one as a side arm? They block blaster fire way better than any body armor in the galaxy and can cut though anything. If I had any job in the Star Wars universe, a light saber would be my go to tool. Hell, they must be easy to make, Luke did it.
6)  Luke's Real Alignment
                       I'm drawing from one specific scene here. When Luke shows up at Jabba's palace, He does the Jedi mind trick to one dude. That's cool, every Jedi does it, and others try to do it in normal lives. What bothers me is when the Gamorrean Guards show up to stop him, Luke (dressed all in black) gives them force heart attacks. Personally, I see this as being way more dark side than force lightning. He essentially performed the cruciatus curse on a muggle. In Harry Potter, that's illegal. In Star Wars, that's a dark side move.

5)  If You Really Knew All Along.....
                         When Luke tells Leia that she is his sister, she isn't that surprised. She even goes as far as to say she always knew. If she always knew that they were related, then why did she kiss him? Instead of simply acting surprised, she went for the know-it-all look and made herself out to be into that sort of thing. It's not like they are from West Virginia. Incest is weird.

4)  Robot Hand
                         At the end of Return of the Jedi, Vader is being shocked by the emperor. This causes his suit to stop working, and in turn kills him. How is it when Luke is being shocked, his robot hand is still able to function? With that amount of electricity, anything mechanical is fried. Was it the "magic" glove that Luke was wearing? Or was it bad over-acting on Hamill's part?
3)  Worst Armor Ever
                        Storm Trooper armor is shitty. It's constricting, doesn't defend against blaster, and isn't really designed to hide out in the woods either. You would think it would have some sort of redeeming quality. However, when the Ewoks join the fight near the end of Return, we find out it doesn't even help them against tiny bears with arrows and sticks. If your armor is so bad that a tiny bear can stab through it with a sharp stick, it might be time for an upgrade.

2) Why Wasn't Chewie Their God?
                       When Chewie activates the trap on Endor and everyone is taken captive by the Ewoks, the Ewoks see a scrawny gay robot and believe that he is their god. My question here is " Why the fuck didn't they think Chewie was their god?". Chewie is a 9 foot tall version of those tiny bears, and they just tie him up and try to cook him? What the shit, Lucas?
1)  GO TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!
                        This one pisses me off the most. When the ships show up at the end of Return and find out that Han didn't take down the shields, they fly in front of the Death Star and try to wait it out. Once the Death Star starts taking out ships, they move on to fighting Star Destroyers and hoping the Death Star doesn't fire again. I may not be an admiral with a fish head, but I am pretty sure i have a solution for you guys. Instead of flying around the big ass gun that can only fire in one direction, go to the other side of the fucking station. There is only one big ass gun, and it shoots straight. Stay the fuck out of its line of fire.

                       Don't get me wrong, I love the original trilogy, but somethings just piss me off. I'm sure I could do a whole list on the other trilogy, but I feel like it's bad enough without me pointing out every one of it's flaws. However, if enough people ask me to, I will watch them all again and make that list. Any who, I hope everyone has a great night/ day. I'm going to attempt to get over this flu by getting to bed early tonight. Peace.


Facts I Hate #7: I don't know enough about computers to get Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic to play on my laptop.