15) Sounds in Space
I'm cool with them having sounds in the fight scenes, but did the character really have to hear them? The movie would have really sucked with no explosions and fighting sounds, but I can't stand when there is a sound and C3-P0 goes "What was that?". Space is a Vacuum! There is no sound!
14) Aiming
Why does everyone suck at aiming with the blaster rifles? There is a scope at the top of every single rifle, but the giant fucking bear on the team seems to be the only one that knows that. If the storm troopers ever decided to use the scopes, everyone is screwed.
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| Totally has a scope! |
13) Throwing the Light Sabers
If you really pay attention, every time a light saber is dropped by Luke, it shuts off in seconds. If it needs to be held at all times, then how can Darth Vader throw his and cut down the cat walk that Luke is on? That shouldn't be able to happen.
12) Hiding Luke
So, Obi-Wan did do a good job at placing Leia. However, when it comes to Luke, he really kinda screwed the pooch on that one. When it comes to hiding a kid from his dad, the last place I would hide him is where he grew up. Sure, it was only his half brother, but Anakin grew up there.
11) Dragging Vader through the Death Star
I have a few problems with this one. 1, how does Luke drag Vader through a space station filled with bad guys and never get stopped? If I was tasked with guarding the emperor and failed to do that, I would at least stop the guy dragging my boss away. 2, Why does he drag him? If he was really a master of the force, why not float him to a ship? The tiny green Muppet was able to pull a space ship out of a swamp, and he has to actually carry a limp body through a space station.
10) Luke's Real Father
Am I the only one that's noticed the fact that Luke looks way more like the emperor than that crusty old white dude under the helmet? They both have sunken eyes, butt chins, and nasty ass skin. And if the force runs strong with Luke and his family, then why is Vader the emperor's man slave? If the Skywalkers were stronger in the force, then Vader would be in command. Therefore, I think the Skywalker kids are really Palpatines, and Amidala was a whore.
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| Still think he's a Skywalker? |
9) Mod More Ships Like the Falcon
If the Millennium Falcon is just a cheap cargo ship that was modded to evade the empire, than why didn't the rebels just build more of them? Instead of replicating the Falcon, the seem to have invested in shit tons of tiny ass ships that blow up with one shot from a tie-fighter. And for everyone that thinks it wasn't the ship, but Han, Lando, and Chewie's flying that was superior, Why aren't they teaching the rebel how to fly their ships better? If I had Han on the payroll, I wouldn't waste his talents. He would be the top instructor.
8) Building the Light Saber
Ok, when Luke first faces Vader in cloud city, Luke's hand gets cut off and he loses is light saber. At this point, Luke had abandoned his lessons with Yoda, and is trying to rescue Han. When he shows up at Jabba's palace, he has a whole new light saber. What I want to know is where they hell did it come from? Yoda's is like a foot long, he still had his blue one when he left Dagobah, and he didn't return to Yoda until after he rescued Han. Who they hell taught him how to build it? In Kotor, I had to ask the council how to build one. They were gone by this time! Did Luke really just kinda wing it?
7) Ancient Tech?
If light sabers are such an ancient technology, why doesn't everyone have one as a side arm? They block blaster fire way better than any body armor in the galaxy and can cut though anything. If I had any job in the Star Wars universe, a light saber would be my go to tool. Hell, they must be easy to make, Luke did it.
6) Luke's Real Alignment
I'm drawing from one specific scene here. When Luke shows up at Jabba's palace, He does the Jedi mind trick to one dude. That's cool, every Jedi does it, and others try to do it in normal lives. What bothers me is when the Gamorrean Guards show up to stop him, Luke (dressed all in black) gives them force heart attacks. Personally, I see this as being way more dark side than force lightning. He essentially performed the cruciatus curse on a muggle. In Harry Potter, that's illegal. In Star Wars, that's a dark side move.
5) If You Really Knew All Along.....
When Luke tells Leia that she is his sister, she isn't that surprised. She even goes as far as to say she always knew. If she always knew that they were related, then why did she kiss him? Instead of simply acting surprised, she went for the know-it-all look and made herself out to be into that sort of thing. It's not like they are from West Virginia. Incest is weird.
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4) Robot Hand
At the end of Return of the Jedi, Vader is being shocked by the emperor. This causes his suit to stop working, and in turn kills him. How is it when Luke is being shocked, his robot hand is still able to function? With that amount of electricity, anything mechanical is fried. Was it the "magic" glove that Luke was wearing? Or was it bad over-acting on Hamill's part?
3) Worst Armor Ever
Storm Trooper armor is shitty. It's constricting, doesn't defend against blaster, and isn't really designed to hide out in the woods either. You would think it would have some sort of redeeming quality. However, when the Ewoks join the fight near the end of Return, we find out it doesn't even help them against tiny bears with arrows and sticks. If your armor is so bad that a tiny bear can stab through it with a sharp stick, it might be time for an upgrade.
2) Why Wasn't Chewie Their God?
When Chewie activates the trap on Endor and everyone is taken captive by the Ewoks, the Ewoks see a scrawny gay robot and believe that he is their god. My question here is " Why the fuck didn't they think Chewie was their god?". Chewie is a 9 foot tall version of those tiny bears, and they just tie him up and try to cook him? What the shit, Lucas?
1) GO TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!
This one pisses me off the most. When the ships show up at the end of Return and find out that Han didn't take down the shields, they fly in front of the Death Star and try to wait it out. Once the Death Star starts taking out ships, they move on to fighting Star Destroyers and hoping the Death Star doesn't fire again. I may not be an admiral with a fish head, but I am pretty sure i have a solution for you guys. Instead of flying around the big ass gun that can only fire in one direction, go to the other side of the fucking station. There is only one big ass gun, and it shoots straight. Stay the fuck out of its line of fire.
Don't get me wrong, I love the original trilogy, but somethings just piss me off. I'm sure I could do a whole list on the other trilogy, but I feel like it's bad enough without me pointing out every one of it's flaws. However, if enough people ask me to, I will watch them all again and make that list. Any who, I hope everyone has a great night/ day. I'm going to attempt to get over this flu by getting to bed early tonight. Peace.
Facts I Hate #7: I don't know enough about computers to get Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic to play on my laptop.
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