I'm Not Calling You A Liar

                      Hey, guys. Today I set out to create a list of the top ten movies of my childhood. I couldn't do it, so here's the top twenty five movies of my childhood ( up to the age of 12). Seeing as how all of these movies are equally important to me, there is no way I can rank them. So I'm just going to have to list them chronologically. And before you start judging my mom for her parenting skills or questioning if I have the ability to travel through time, I'm dating them by when they came out (No idea when I actually saw them). So here we go. After realising how long this list is, I'm not going to write a description about each movie or tell you why it's so awesome. Instead, I'm just going to tell you the first thing I think of and remember about each movie without looking anything up.

(1971) Bedknobs and Broomsticks


             Great movie. Makes me wish I knew a witch with a magical bed... For going cartoon worlds, you sick minded freaks.
(1977) Star Wars


              By Star Wars, I mean the original and only trilogy. Nothing after Return of the Jedi counts... except maybe Phantom Menace. But come on, who didn't want to be a pod racer when they grew up?
(1981) Time Bandits

         
              For those who don't know me, I love midgets! This movie probably kick started that love with its gang of midgets that travel through time stealing from the wealthiest people in history. And they even had a dwarf with them. Yes, he had a battle axe.
(1985) Back to the Future

        
              Back to the Future called it. By this time next year, we will have hover boards, power laces, and flying cars. But most important is the hover boards, damn it.
(1986) Labyrinth


               Oh David Bowie, how great you are. I personally prefer the Goblin King to Ziggy Stardust, as far as characters go. Hell, I would 99 cents for for Dance Magic Dance to be on my Ipod.
(1988) The Adventures of Baron Munchausen


              Terry Gilliam and Robin Williams pretty much took turns sculpting my personality as a child. Munchausen rides a cannon ball to the middle of a battle field and climbs down a rope, reaches the end, and just cuts some off the top to tie to the bottom. A true hero.
(1988) Who Framed Rodger Rabbit


              Since this isn't Cool World, there are no rules against humans and toons getting together, is Jessica Rabbit fare game? P-p-p-pleeeeaaase!
(1989) Little Monsters


              How did this movie not scare the crap out of me. The area under your bed is a portal to the land of monsters and Howie Mandel. And what ever happened to Fred Savage?
(1991) The Hudson Hawk


               Dude, I loved The Hudson Hawk. It has Bruce Willace, Andie MacDowell, Sandra Bernhard, and Danny Aiello. This movie made me really want to be a cat burglar. Seriously, they get everything and all they have to do is remember awesome songs and how long it takes to sing them. I had that down as a kid.
(1991) Hook


             First thing to come to mind: "You can't fight! You can't Fly! And you can't Crow!" 6 yearold me had that crow down. nothing was going to stop me from being a lost boy... Except for the food. I prefer mine to be a little less painty.
(1994) The Pagemaster


             This is the movie that taught every child of the 90's that if you go to a library and read, you are going to have a bad time. You will have to take on Moby Dick, tiny island people, or a giant paint dragon. That was a legit fear.
(1994) The Secret of Roan Inish


              This movie taught me that sea lions are actually hot, magical women who trick men into sleeping with them, have a baby, then disappear into the sea. It also taught me that the Irish are always losing babies at see. Is that really a thing?
(1995) The Indian in the Cupboard


                Overalls? Check. Check. Skate boarding? Check. Magic making plastic toys come to life in an old cupboard? Check. This is the formula for just about any movie in the mid 90's. I never got the whole skate boarding thing.
(1995) Jumanji


              Robin Williams is probably the only man who can grow a beard and pal around with two strange young kids all day without the cops being called. I don't know about all the other people my age, but I played the crap out of the board game when they came out with that.
(1996) Muppet Treasure Island


              Muppets, pirates, and Tim Curry, what could be better? Tim Curry pretty much owned the 90's children movies and for this one I must say thanks. "I've got cabin fever!"
(1997) Flubber


               And more Robin Williams. This man could do know wrong, except miss his wedding..... again. But it wasn't his fault. Weebo was to blame. She was still my favorite character though. It might be the voice.
(1997) Hercules


              Who puts the "glad" in gladiator? I'll give you a hint. All he wants to do is prove himself a hero, but know one will give him a chance. I watched this movie so many times. The tv show was only 'ok' in comparison.
(1997) The Fifth Element


             Oh Milla Jovovich. I'm pretty sure watching this movie for the first time was the exact moment that I hit puberty.
(1998) Small Soldiers


              With names like Nick Nitro, Brick Bazooka, and Chip Hazard you cant go wrong. Whether you were Gorgonite or Commando Elite, you loved Small Soldiers.... Don't lie, you know it.
(1999) Inspector Gadget


              More than the movie, I'm sure everyone remembers the McDonald's toys. I could never get all the toys to finish my inspector. Did anyone ever get them all and live through the heart damage to tell about it?
(1999 - 2000) Galaxy Quest and Frequency


              I should explain why these two are lumped together. When I was little, I spent every Friday night and Saturday morning at my grandmother's house. She had a thing for Alan Rickman and Dennis Quade. So when the comedy Galaxy Quest came out on VHS, she bought it and it stayed on the tv for over a year. Then, when Frequency hit shelves, it was all about the fire fighter. Ive watched these movies on loop so much that I could probably recite these movies line for line. This also explains my weight issue in middle school. " Galaxy Quest is on? I'll go grab some crackers and potted meat!"
(2000) Dude Wheres My Car?
 

               Dude, nine yearold me loved this movie! Dude Wheres My Car is even the movie that got me saying dude. Where the hell would I even be with out this movie? Probably in school........
(2000) Harry Potter
 
              I know Owen and Rico are probably laughing their balls off right now, but yes. I watched Harry Potter a lot. I was a chunky, nerdy kid with no friends, I loved fantasy movies. When I read the books, It felt like every word was saying " I'll be your friend, Addison. You can trust me!"
(2001) Evolution
 

              Just watched this movie again last week. It holds up. Without a doubt, I can say that this is one of my top 3 favorite movies. " I'm going in." "I'll get the lubricant." " Theres no time for lubricant" " THERE IS ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICANT!!" Best scene of any movie.
(2001) Cats & Dogs
 
            
              I slightly remember this movie because of the bombs scene. They were having a dog cut the grey wire. They were all grey. Hahaha Oh color blind jokes. It's ok for me to laugh at them. The virtual boy made me red green color blind. (Damn you Nintendo.)




              There you have it. the 25 movies of my childhood that shaped the weirdo you know and love. I'm sure there are some more that are hidden away in a chunk of my memory waiting for a very skilled therapist to unlock. For those of you sitting there thinking " Theres no way he was watching those movies, he was born in 1992!" I want you to know one thing. My family was poor enough that we didn't go to the movies, and my parent were pretty young. Top that off with my brother being 5 years older and my sister 4, and you have a little kid watching Good Will Hunting until he can repeat the line " Well why did you choose the shovel handle?" "Because fuck you!".  I think I turned out pretty awesome, so if you want your offspring to be as hilarious as I am (well almost as funny) then you need to sit them down with these great movies. You know you want little Addison's running around.
             As always, I hope you all liked my list. If you have any movies that influenced you, I want to hear it. And if anyone has any suggestions for next time, just let me know  (I am always looking for new ideas). I hope you enjoyed your time In.... The Twilight Zone.