A Prescription for Mankind

           Hey everyone, I'm back with another random splurge of thought. ( Anyone other than me surprised I haven't given up yet?). The reason I'm starting so late is because I had no idea what to write about. I was going to ramble on about Minecraft and how awesome it is that they ported it to Xbox, but the more i thought about it, the worse it sounded. Minecraft may be hella fun, but try to think up a description for it. I'm serious. Anyone who has ever played, I want you to think up a description. Sounds really boring and lame, right? Then I decided I should just stay away from the topic of video games all together, that way no one finds out how much time I spend with a controller in hand ( Judge me if you must). Then, after about 5 minutes of lurking Facebook, a topic hit me. Gypsies!

I was being nice when I said slutty.

           I'm going to start by stating the fact that TLC is probably my favorite channel (especially after the head of scifi said they don't want to air "too much science fiction"... ass..). First came Little People Big World with every episode bring a bundle of laughs as midgets ( Unless there are battle axes, they are not dwarves) start up a farm. Good times. Now TLC has brought us even better material. We now have My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. MBFAGW brings together rednecks, guidos, slutty slutty girls, and gypsy wedding all for our viewing pleasure.
           My parents used to have a favorite threat when my brother, sister, and I were little. If we acted up or fought too much, they would always threaten to sell us to the gypsies. By this time, TLC hadn't shown me that gypsies weren't all nasty, scary, old, and Russian, just waiting for their chance to put an evil curse on unsuspecting prey. If I had known they would be selling me to a group of slutty girls who's parents believe 12 is the appropriate age to start slutting it up, I would have been a little asshole. One thing about this has me concerned though. Do the American gypsies possess the same evil magic the Russian gypsies do? If they do, we should all be worried. Gypsies used to live in seclusion and only came out to scam people out of their hard earned money at carnivals or other activities run by creepy people who speak very little English. Now that they aren't afraid of the public eye, they will begin to strike. They will offer to mow your lawns and after you pay them they simply salt the ground and walk away. There will be an influx of unsafe carnivals and shop venders set up all over major cities. A spike in unexplained deaths will occur do to gypsy curses. We must stop the uprising before it's too late.
            All is not yet lost. We still have time for an internal strike. I propose we send a scout team of 3-4 people into these gypsy camps to seduce members and gain entry into the various families. From there, they can report on the size of the gypsy empire and notify tactical leaders of upcoming gypsy cons (they may even find the source of the gypsies powers). This is the only way to truely understand the size of this threat and promptly eliminate it at the source.
            My fellow Americans, I urge you not to fear. They may be mystical... They may no longer fear publicity..... But they will fear us. We will cannot and will not back down. There will be losses on both sides, but we will succeed. We are Strong. We are Americans. United We Stand.